“Is This Anxiety?” Recognizing the Signs Your Body Might Be Trying to Tell You Something
We tend to think of anxiety as the obvious stuff: fast breathing, racing thoughts, panic attacks, and a big “I CAN’T DO THIS” feeling. And yes, those are very real signs of anxiety.
But anxiety doesn’t always shout. Sometimes, it whispers. Sometimes, it even wears a disguise.
Maybe you’re constantly picking at your skin or your nails.
Maybe you feel irritated by everything and don’t know why.
Maybe everyday requests feel overwhelming, or your body feels restless all the time.
These, too, might be anxiety—just showing up in a way that’s less obvious.
Let’s talk about what anxiety really is, what it can feel like, and how to recognize the not-so-obvious signs that your nervous system might be asking for help.
🧠 Anxiety and Your Brain: The Upstairs/Downstairs Brain Analogy
One of the best ways to understand anxiety is through a concept called the upstairs/downstairs brain—a metaphor from Dr. Dan Siegel’s work on emotional regulation and social-emotional learning (SEL).
Your upstairs brain is the part that helps you problem-solve, make decisions, regulate emotions, and think things through.
Your downstairs brain is all about survival. It controls your fight/flight/freeze response, basic instincts, and protective reflexes.
When you’re feeling calm and regulated, your upstairs and downstairs brains are working as a team. But when you feel anxious or overwhelmed, your downstairs brain takes over. It’s like slamming the door shut on the upstairs brain—and suddenly, logic and perspective go out the window.
This response isn’t bad—it’s protective. Anxiety is your brain’s way of trying to keep you safe. But sometimes it overreacts, sounding the alarm even when there’s no real danger.
🧬 What’s Happening in Your Nervous System?
When your brain thinks something is unsafe (even if it’s just a social situation or a busy to-do list), your body shifts into a stress response. Here’s what’s happening under the hood:
Your heart rate speeds up
Your muscles tense
Your senses sharpen (which can make you more sensitive to sound, light, touch, etc.)
Your digestive system slows down (ever feel nauseous when anxious?)
Your body releases cortisol and adrenaline (stress hormones)
This can leave you feeling wired, jumpy, foggy, or completely drained. And the longer this state continues, the harder it is to feel calm, focused, and safe in your body.
💥 Common Symptoms of Anxiety (The Ones Most People Know)
Racing thoughts
Worry that feels hard to control
Difficulty sleeping
Rapid heartbeat or shortness of breath
Trouble concentrating
Avoidance of stressful situations
But here’s the thing...
🕵️♀️ Uncommon (But Totally Valid) Symptoms of Anxiety
These are the ones that often get missed or misunderstood:
Irritability or moodiness
You might feel snappy or angry when what’s really going on is overwhelm. This is especially common in children and teens.Sensory-seeking behaviors
Skin picking, nail biting, pulling at your hair, rubbing or grazing your skin—these can be self-soothing strategies your body uses to manage anxious energy.Fatigue or shutdown
Some people don’t get “keyed up” by anxiety—they shut down instead. This can look like spacing out, scrolling mindlessly, or needing to sleep a lot.Stomach issues
Nausea, cramps, constipation, or diarrhea are super common—because your gut and brain are deeply connected.Feeling “on edge” all the time
Like you’re waiting for something bad to happen, even if there’s no reason to believe it will.Over-reacting to small things
When your nervous system is taxed, even a minor request or comment can feel like too much. This isn’t you being “dramatic”—it’s a sign your brain needs support.
❤️ So, What Can You Do?
The goal isn’t to get rid of anxiety entirely—it’s actually a helpful part of your emotional toolkit. But when it’s firing too often or too loudly, your job is to help your nervous system feel safe again.
Here are a few ideas:
1. Build Awareness
Start noticing when these symptoms show up. Ask yourself:
What’s going on in my body right now?
Am I safe? Or is my brain just reacting like I’m not?
2. Support Your Nervous System
Your body needs help finding safety again. Some strategies include:
Slow, deep breathing (inhale for 4, exhale for 6)
Going for a walk
Gentle movement or stretching
Listening to music that grounds or soothes you
Cuddling with a pet or wrapping yourself in a cozy blanket
Chewing gum or sucking on a mint for sensory regulation
3. Create Space for Emotions
Give yourself permission to feel whatever is there—without judgment. Emotions are not the enemy. They’re just information.
Ask:
“What is this feeling trying to tell me?”
“What do I need right now?”
4. Check Your Boundaries
Sometimes anxiety is a signal that your boundaries are being stretched too far. It might be time to say no more often, take more breaks, or adjust your expectations.
🧸 If You’re Supporting a Child or Teen with Anxiety
Kids and teens often don’t have the language to say “I feel anxious,” so they show it in other ways—like meltdowns, clinginess, avoidance, or shutdown.
As a parent or caregiver, your role isn’t to fix their anxiety—it’s to co-regulate. That means offering calm, steady support that helps their nervous system borrow a sense of safety from yours.
Sit beside them
Offer quiet reassurance
Normalize what they’re feeling
Avoid jumping to solutions too quickly
Stay with them emotionally, even if the feelings are messy
💬 Final Thoughts: Anxiety Is a Messenger, Not a Mistake
Anxiety isn’t something to be ashamed of—it’s a biological response designed to keep us safe. The key is to listen to the message underneath the symptom.
If your body is telling you it needs support—listen.
And if it ever feels like too much to carry alone, know that support is out there:
Counselors
Therapists
School CYWs
Mental health clinics
Crisis lines
Support groups
You don’t have to manage it all by yourself.
🌿 You Are Not Broken. You Are Responding.
And with the right support, tools, and compassion—you can start to feel safe in your body again.