“I’m Scared!” or “I’m Anxious?” Helping Kids Understand Fear, Stress, Worry, and Anxiety
As a child and teen therapist, one of the things I see often in my work is just how tangled emotions can feel for kids—especially when it comes to fear, anxiety, worry, and stress. These feelings tend to show up in similar ways: tummy aches, tearful mornings, sleep troubles, or refusing to go to school or social events.
But here's the thing: even though these emotions are related, they're not the same. And when we help kids learn how to tell them apart, we give them something really powerful—the language to understand and manage what’s going on inside.
💭 What’s the difference between fear, anxiety, stress, and worry?
Here’s a breakdown in kid-friendly terms:
Fear is what we feel when there’s a real danger in front of us. Think: a dog running at you barking. It’s our body’s alarm system saying “Yikes! Get to safety!”
Anxiety is what we feel when we think something scary might happen—even if there’s no danger right now. It’s more about the what-ifs.
Worry is the thinking part of anxiety. It’s when our brain gets stuck on a loop of “what if this goes wrong?” and we can’t stop imagining worst-case scenarios.
Stress is the feeling we get when there’s a lot going on—too many expectations, changes, or pressure. It can make kids feel overwhelmed, snappy, or shut down.
Each of these emotions is totally normal—and even helpful in the right situations! But when they start showing up all the time, or getting in the way of daily life, that’s when it helps to slow down and get curious.
🧠 Why does it matter what we call it?
Kids (and even adults!) often say “I feel bad” or “I feel weird” when emotions show up in confusing ways. And when we don’t have the words for what we’re feeling, those emotions tend to come out in behaviour instead.
That’s why one of the first steps in helping kids cope is teaching them how to name what’s going on inside. When a child learns to say “I’m feeling anxious because I don’t know what’s going to happen,” they’re already one step closer to calming their nervous system.
Naming emotions builds self-awareness, self-compassion, and emotional safety. And those things are the foundation of emotional regulation.
⛔ The trap of avoidance
One of the biggest patterns I see with anxiety is something called the anxiety-avoidance cycle.
Here’s how it goes:
A child feels anxious about something (let’s say, going to a birthday party).
That anxiety feels uncomfortable—so they avoid the party.
Avoiding gives instant relief (Phew, no more anxiety!)
But next time? The anxiety is even stronger.
Avoidance teaches the brain: “This is dangerous. Good thing we stayed away.” But the only way to shrink anxiety is to show the brain: “Hey, we can handle this.”
The goal isn’t to throw kids into stressful situations unprepared—but to gently guide them into facing their fears with support. We want to send the message:
“This is hard. And you can do hard things.”
🗣️ How to talk to your child about anxiety and worry
You don’t have to be a therapist to have powerful, validating conversations with your child. Try these steps:
1. Get curious instead of corrective.
Instead of “You’re fine, there’s nothing to worry about!”
Try: “Something about this feels really big to you. Can you help me understand?”
2. Label the feeling.
“It sounds like your brain is in what-if mode right now. That’s called worry.”
or
“It makes sense that your heart is beating fast. That’s fear showing up.”
3. Name what’s true.
“That could happen, but what else might happen?”
or
“Even if the worst part did happen, what would you do?”
4. Invite problem-solving.
“What would make this feel one step easier?”
“Who could help you if that part feels too big?”
This helps kids learn to pause their automatic thoughts and replace them with something more balanced.
🛠️ Coping tools that really work
Here are some of the strategies I often use in session and recommend to families:
Body-based tools:
Belly breathing (in through the nose, out through the mouth slowly)
Stretching, shaking it out, or jumping jacks
“Five senses” grounding: name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, etc.
Thinking-based tools:
“Worry scripts” (writing out the worry and then writing what you want to believe)
Challenging automatic thoughts (“Is that 100% true, or just what my anxious brain is telling me?”)
Play-based tools:
Drawing the worry monster and giving it a silly name
Creating a “brave list” of things you’ve done before that felt hard
Routine-based tools:
Predictable routines that help kids feel safe
“Worry time” (a set 10-minute window to talk or journal about worries, so they don’t take over the whole day)
💬 Final thoughts
Fear, stress, worry, and anxiety are a normal part of life—but they don’t have to take over.
When kids learn to notice, name, and navigate their emotions, they begin building lifelong tools for resilience, courage, and confidence. And as caregivers, you don’t have to walk that journey alone.
If your child is feeling stuck in anxious thoughts, struggling with avoidance, or having a tough time handling big emotions, therapy can be a safe, supportive space to figure things out together.
📩 Feel free to reach out if you’d like to chat more or explore booking a session. I’d be happy to connect.