"Why Do I Feel This Way?": Understanding Your Big Emotions
Emotions are a natural part of being human—but that doesn’t mean they always make sense in the moment. One day, everything feels fine. The next, you’re overwhelmed, anxious, or furious—and maybe you’re not even sure why.
For children and teens, these big emotions can feel especially intense. And if you’re a parent or caregiver watching someone you love navigate those waves, it can feel just as confusing from the outside.
In this post, we’re digging into where those big emotions come from, what influences them, and how we can begin to support healthy emotional regulation—both in ourselves and in the people we care about.
Understanding the Roots of Emotional Intensity
Emotional Development Begins in Childhood
Emotional regulation doesn’t come naturally—it’s something we learn over time. In early childhood, emotional responses are closely tied to our environment, relationships, and experiences. Through co-regulation (when a caregiver helps a child manage their emotions by staying calm and connected), children begin to develop tools to understand and express feelings.
However, development isn’t linear—and even with strong support, emotional overwhelm is a normal part of growing up.
The Adolescent Brain: Under Construction
During the teen years, the brain goes through one of its most significant developmental phases. The amygdala, which is responsible for emotional reactions, is highly active, while the prefrontal cortex, which helps with impulse control, reasoning, and planning, is still developing. This mismatch can make emotions feel unpredictable and hard to manage.
Even though teens are capable of deep insight and empathy, they may struggle with emotional regulation simply because their brains are still figuring out how to balance those complex systems.
The Role of Hormones and Physical Changes
Puberty adds another layer to this emotional landscape. Hormonal changes can affect mood, sleep patterns, stress responses, and more. Combine that with social pressure, academic demands, and identity development, and it’s no wonder so many teens (and parents) are left asking: Why does everything feel so intense right now?
The short answer? Because it is. And it’s normal.
How to Support Emotional Regulation
For Teens: Building Awareness and Coping Tools
If you’re a teen reading this, here are a few important things to remember:
You’re not broken. Big emotions don’t mean something’s wrong—they mean something matters.
Feelings are information. They might not always be comfortable, but they often point to needs that deserve attention.
You can learn tools to cope. Whether it’s grounding exercises, journaling, music, movement, or talking to someone you trust—there are healthy ways to manage what you’re feeling.
Self-compassion is key. Instead of judging yourself for how you feel, try asking: What might this feeling be trying to tell me? What do I need right now?
For Parents and Caregivers: Co-Regulation and Support
Supporting a child or teen through emotional ups and downs can be hard—especially when you’re juggling your own responsibilities and feelings. Here are a few strategies to help:
Stay calm and grounded. When kids feel out of control, your calm presence can help them feel safe. This is the essence of co-regulation.
Validate before solving. You don’t have to “fix” the feeling. Start with: “That sounds really tough,” or “I can see how that would make you feel upset.” Validation builds trust.
Model emotional expression. Share how you navigate your own emotions—“I felt overwhelmed earlier, so I took a walk to clear my head.” This helps normalize the process.
Offer consistent routines and boundaries. Predictability helps reduce stress and makes it easier for kids and teens to regulate themselves.
And perhaps most importantly: Offer compassion—to your child, and to yourself.
Final Thoughts: Emotions Are Messy, and That’s Okay
Big emotions are part of growing up—and, truthfully, part of being human at any age. Understanding where they come from, how development shapes them, and how we can respond with compassion can go a long way in helping us feel less alone when things get intense.
Whether you're a teen feeling everything all at once or a caregiver trying to hold space for someone else's feelings, know this: you’re doing your best. And that’s enough.