When Your Child Refuses to Go to School: A Parent’s Guide + Guelph Resources
It’s the morning rush. Backpacks are packed, lunches are ready, and then it happens—your child digs in their heels, crying, panicking, or shutting down completely. They refuse to go to school.
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. School refusal (sometimes called school avoidance) is more common than parents might realize, and often the root cause is anxiety. Understanding what’s happening—and how to respond—can make a big difference for your child and your family.
Why School Avoidance Happens
For many kids, refusing school isn’t about being “lazy” or “defiant.” Instead, it’s their way of avoiding the intense discomfort of anxiety.
Anxiety can feel overwhelming. School may trigger worries about friends, performance, separation, or bullying.
Avoidance temporarily reduces distress. Staying home feels safe, which reinforces the behavior.
But avoidance makes anxiety stronger. The more a child avoids school, the harder it becomes to return, creating a difficult cycle for both kids and parents.
The Cycle of Anxiety and Avoidance
Here’s how the cycle usually works:
Child feels anxious about school →
Child avoids going →
Anxiety decreases in the short term →
Avoidance is reinforced →
Anxiety grows stronger over time
Breaking this cycle means helping your child face their fears gradually and safely instead of avoiding them altogether.
The Risk of Keeping Kids Home
While it’s tempting to let your child stay home to ease their distress, doing so can unintentionally enable the anxiety. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t accommodate their needs at all—but keeping them home day after day can make returning feel impossible.
The goal isn’t to force, but to support them in small, manageable steps back into school.
Collaborating With the School
Parents don’t need to handle school avoidance alone. Teachers, CYWs, and school social workers can be important partners in supporting kids with anxiety.
Here are a few ways to collaborate:
Communicate with teachers and administrators. Share what’s happening at home and ask how they can help.
Create a coping plan. This might include safe spaces your child can visit, strategies for managing panic, or scheduled check-ins.
Ask for gradual exposure. For example, your child might start with driving to the school to say hi to their teacher in the mornings, attending half-days, or attend specific classes before building back up to full days.
Exposure: Helping Kids Face Their Fears
The most effective way to reduce anxiety is through exposure—facing feared situations in a gradual, supportive way.
Start small (e.g., driving to the school parking lot).
Build up slowly (e.g., walking into the office, sitting in class for a short time).
Celebrate progress, even if it feels tiny.
Over time, these steps help children realize they can handle being at school, even with anxiety present.
Teaching Distress Tolerance Skills
Since avoiding isn’t the solution, children need tools to manage anxiety in the moment. Skills may include:
Deep breathing exercises to calm the body.
Grounding techniques (like the 5-4-3-2-1 senses method).
Positive self-talk to replace anxious thoughts.
Movement breaks or sensory tools for self-regulation.
Therapists can work with families to build these skills, while parents and teachers can reinforce them at home and school.
Guelph Resources for Parents and Kids
If your child is struggling with school avoidance, here are some local and online supports:
Copper Park Wellness (Guelph and Kitchener) – We provide psychotherapy and music therapy for kids and teens ages 5+, as well as parenting support.
Youth Wellness Hub Guelph – Walk-in support for youth mental health.
CMHA Waterloo Wellington – Programs for children and families navigating anxiety and school challenges.
Kerry’s Place Autism Services – Supports for children on the spectrum who may experience school avoidance.
Anxiety Canada – Free, evidence-based tools and resources for families.
Final Thoughts
When your child refuses to go to school, it can feel discouraging and isolating—but there are evidence-based strategies and community resources to help. By breaking the cycle of avoidance, collaborating with the school, and building coping skills, your child can learn to manage anxiety and feel safe in the classroom again.
At Copper Park Wellness, we’re here to support kids, teens, and parents in navigating these challenges with therapy, creative approaches, and parent guidance. You don’t have to do this alone.