Is This Normal… or Something More? Understanding Child & Teen Development vs. Mental Health Concerns
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “Is this normal?” while your child is rolling their eyes for the fifth time today or crying over what feels like a small thing—you're not alone. Parenting kids and teens means witnessing a lot of big emotions, unpredictable behaviours, and moments where you’re left scratching your head.
The truth is, so much of what looks messy on the outside is actually completely normal and developmentally expected. Kids and teens are constantly growing—physically, emotionally, and socially—and with that comes testing limits, mood swings, peer drama, and more.
That said, it’s also important to know when something might go beyond typical development and signal a need for extra support.
Let’s break it down.
🧠 What’s developmentally normal?
Children and teens go through a series of predictable developmental stages that shape their sense of identity, emotional expression, and relationships. Many behaviours that feel frustrating to parents are actually signs of healthy growth.
Here are some common examples:
🧒 Young children (approx. ages 3–7)
Tantrums and outbursts are normal as they learn to manage emotions.
Testing boundaries is how they make sense of rules and safety.
Big imagination and fears (like monsters or separation anxiety) are expected.
Difficulty sharing or turn-taking is developmentally typical.
🧑🎓 Tweens (approx. ages 8–12)
Increased sensitivity to social feedback (what others think of them).
Growing need for independence and some pushback on rules.
Mild moodiness or “attitude” as hormones begin to shift.
Friendship drama and peer exclusion are common as social hierarchies emerge.
👩🎤 Teens (approx. ages 13–18)
Mood swings and emotional reactivity (thanks to brain changes and identity development).
Pulling away from parents and turning to peers more.
Increased risk-taking and testing limits.
Conflict at home as they begin to think critically and develop autonomy.
These behaviours are part of a child or teen’s job: learning who they are, what they value, and how to exist in the world. Much of the chaos you see is them figuring that out in real time.
🧗 What’s actually going on during adolescence?
Adolescence is often misunderstood as a rebellious, dramatic stage—but there’s a deeper process happening under the surface.
Teens are working toward self-actualization—the developmental task of figuring out:
“Who am I really? What matters to me? What do I believe?”
To get there, they have to:
Question authority and social norms
Develop critical thinking
Experiment with identity and belonging
Pull away from parents emotionally to become their own person
This process is messy—but it’s normal. If your teen is moody, sleeping more, spending hours alone in their room, or suddenly challenging your opinions, it’s not necessarily a red flag. It might just be development.
🚨 But what if it’s something more?
Sometimes, what looks like "just a phase" might actually be a sign your child or teen is struggling with their mental health.
Here are some red flags to watch for:
⏳ Persistence
Behaviours or emotional shifts last more than a few weeks and don’t seem to improve with time or support.
💥 Intensity
Reactions seem way out of proportion to the situation (e.g., explosive anger, intense crying spells).
🛑 Interference
Emotions or behaviours start to interfere with daily functioning—school, friendships, eating, sleeping, or hobbies.
🧍 Withdrawal
Your child loses interest in things they used to enjoy, isolates themselves, or stops engaging with others.
🗣️ Concerning language
Expressing hopelessness (“What’s the point?”), low self-worth, or talking about wanting to disappear.
⚠️ Physical signs
Unexplained headaches, stomach aches, frequent illness, or self-injury behaviours.
If you’re seeing these signs, trust your gut. Even if you’re not sure whether something is “big enough” to seek help, it’s okay to check in with a mental health professional. You’re not overreacting—you’re being proactive.
🤝 How to support your child through all of it
Whether your child is navigating normal developmental bumps or facing something heavier, here’s how you can help:
🫶 Stay connected
Even when they push away, kids and teens still need you. Keep showing up with love, curiosity, and a safe place to land. Small moments—like checking in before bed or chatting in the car—go a long way.
🗣️ Talk about emotions openly
Make it normal to talk about feelings in your home. Use phrases like:
“You seem frustrated—do you want to talk or just sit together?”
“That sounds tough. I’m here if you need me.”
“Everyone feels overwhelmed sometimes. What helps you feel better?”
🪞 Model emotional health
Your kids are watching how you deal with stress, sadness, and frustration. Taking care of your own mental health, expressing your emotions, and apologizing when you mess up teaches them resilience by example.
🔍 Reflect before reacting
If you find yourself triggered by your child’s behaviour, pause and ask: “What’s this bringing up for me?” Sometimes our own childhood experiences show up in how we parent—and it’s okay to get support for that too.
🧠 Get professional support when needed
There’s no shame in asking for help. Therapy can offer your child (or you!) a supportive space to explore, process, and build tools to manage emotions more effectively.
💬 Final thoughts (and a gentle reminder)
So much of what we call “bad behaviour” in children is actually just development. Growth is noisy, emotional, and full of trial and error. But sometimes, what’s happening under the surface is a sign of deeper pain.
You don’t have to figure it all out alone. If you’re unsure where the line is between typical development and mental health struggles, that’s exactly what therapy can help with.
📩 If you’d like to talk more, explore options for support, or book a consultation for your child or teen, I’d be happy to connect. You're doing a great job—and you don’t have to do it all on your own.