Anxiety in Girls: The Struggles We Often Miss
If you picture a child with anxiety, you might imagine someone who’s visibly nervous—shaking hands, crying, maybe refusing to go to school or speak up in class.
But what if anxiety doesn’t look like that?
What if it looks like the straight-A student who never causes trouble?
The child who follows every rule, is eager to please, and works so hard to get things just right?
This is often what anxiety looks like in girls.
And because it doesn’t always scream for attention, it can quietly fly under the radar—even as a child is struggling deeply beneath the surface.
🧠 How anxiety presents differently in girls
Girls with anxiety often learn—consciously or not—to internalize their distress. That means instead of acting out, they direct their feelings inward.
This can show up as:
Perfectionism (homework, appearance, relationships)
People-pleasing and intense fear of disappointing others
Avoidance masked as helpfulness (e.g., over-preparing, over-apologizing)
Quiet overthinking and constant worry
Difficulty making decisions or fear of getting things wrong
Somatic symptoms like stomach aches or headaches with no medical cause
Because these behaviours can look like maturity, responsibility, or being a “good kid,” they often get praised.
“She’s so driven.”
“She’s so well-behaved.”
“She’s just really hard on herself.”
But what we sometimes miss is that these are coping strategies—ways of trying to manage something that feels overwhelming inside.
🧒 In childhood: the “good girl” trap
Many young girls are socialized from an early age to be:
Helpful
Polite
Compliant
Quiet
Emotionally contained
So when a young girl is struggling, she may not act out—she might just work harder to be better. This can look like:
Needing constant reassurance
Melting down only in safe spaces (like at home, after school)
Avoiding new things out of fear of making a mistake
Worrying excessively about others being mad or upset
Because she’s not “disruptive,” her anxiety can easily be overlooked or minimized—even when it’s shaping how she sees herself and her world.
👩 In the teen years: perfection, pressure & social anxiety
As girls move into adolescence, anxiety often becomes more complex.
Common presentations include:
Academic pressure and fear of failure
Body image concerns and disordered eating patterns
Social anxiety, especially around peer acceptance
Fear of judgment, embarrassment, or “sounding stupid”
Overachieving in multiple areas to feel in control
Self-criticism and low self-worth behind the scenes
This is also a time when anxiety can overlap with depression, especially if the pressure to perform and "hold it all together" becomes too heavy.
🧬 Why is this so common in girls?
There are both biological and societal influences at play.
🧠 Neurologically, girls tend to mature faster in areas of emotional awareness and social sensitivity. This means they often notice more, feel more deeply, and worry more about others’ perceptions.
🌍 Socially, girls are often taught—directly and indirectly—to be caregivers, to avoid conflict, to seek approval, and to tie their worth to how others feel around them.
This can lead to:
Suppressing their needs to avoid being “too much”
Silencing emotions that might be seen as “dramatic”
Equating perfection with safety and acceptance
Over time, these internalized messages can shape how anxiety is both experienced and expressed—and whether it’s even recognized at all.
🫶 How to support girls with anxiety
The most important thing we can do is look beneath the surface. Even when things look fine, ask:
“Is she putting too much pressure on herself?”
“Is she avoiding things that feel risky, even if she’s succeeding?”
“Does she have space to make mistakes and still feel loved?”
Here are a few ways to support girls in building emotional resilience and managing anxiety:
💬 1. Name what you notice, gently
“I’ve noticed you’ve been working really hard lately. I wonder if it’s been feeling a bit heavy for you?”
Let her know it’s safe to be imperfect. Safe to struggle. Safe to share what’s really going on.
🧠 2. Normalize anxiety and give it a name
Anxiety is not weakness—it’s the brain trying to protect us. But sometimes that protection gets a little overactive.
Teach her to recognize her anxious thoughts without becoming them:
“That’s just your worry voice talking. You don’t have to believe everything it says.”
🧘♀️ 3. Offer tools, not just reassurance
While reassurance can be comforting, long-term support comes from teaching skills:
Coping strategies for when anxiety spikes
Ways to challenge perfectionistic thinking
Safe outlets for expression (journaling, art, movement, therapy)
🧍♀️ 4. Check in regularly, not just when something seems wrong
This helps build trust and makes it easier for her to open up before she’s overwhelmed.
“Hey, I just wanted to check in—how’s your brain and heart doing this week?”
🚩 When to seek extra support
If your child or teen is:
Constantly anxious, even when nothing “big” is happening
Avoiding school, social situations, or activities she once enjoyed
Experiencing sleep issues, physical symptoms, or shutdowns
Tying her worth entirely to achievement or external praise
Showing signs of burnout, panic, or distress behind perfectionism
…it might be time to reach out to a mental health professional.
Therapy can offer a space for her to untangle those anxious thoughts, understand her emotions, and learn how to manage her feelings without tying her value to performance or perfection.
💬 Final thoughts
Anxious girls often grow into anxious women who have always been praised for being “put together,” “driven,” or “low maintenance.”
But the struggle underneath doesn’t go away—it just becomes harder to talk about.
By noticing the signs early, offering support with compassion (not correction), and helping girls feel safe being fully themselves, we give them a gift that lasts a lifetime.
📩 If you think your daughter might be struggling with anxiety—even if it’s hidden behind a smile—I’m here to help. Reach out any time to explore therapy or ask questions. She deserves to feel free, not just successful.