All Behavior Has Meaning: What Is Your Child Really Trying to Say?
Let’s start with a truth bomb: All behavior is communication.
Yup, all of it.
Whether your child is yelling, withdrawing, clinging, refusing, melting down, or cracking jokes at the worst possible time—those behaviors are sending a message. It might not be in words, but trust me… they’re saying something.
Behavior isn’t “good” or “bad”—it’s information.
As parents and caregivers, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of labeling behavior:
“She’s being so bad today.”
“He’s such a good kid—he always listens.”
“Why are they acting out again?”
We’ve all been there. But here’s the thing: when we label behavior as good or bad, we risk missing the why behind it. And that’s where the gold is.
Behavior is a system—one that kids (and let’s be honest, adults too) use when they don’t have the words, skills, or capacity to explain what’s going on inside.
What are kids trying to communicate through behavior?
Honestly? A lot. Here are just a few things that behavior can be trying to express:
Needs: “I’m tired.” “I’m hungry.” “I need help.”
Emotions: “I’m scared.” “I’m angry and I don’t know how to say it.”
Sensory input: “My body feels weird.” “That noise is too much.”
Boundaries: “This feels unsafe.” “I don’t like that.”
Connection: “Do you see me?” “Do I matter right now?”
Sometimes the behavior looks loud or messy or hard to understand. But when we pause and get curious, we can start to ask:
“What is this behavior really trying to tell me?”
Adults do it too.
This isn’t just a kid thing—adults communicate through behavior all the time.
Think about it:
Ever slammed a cupboard a little too hard after a stressful day?
Ignored a text because you didn’t know how to respond?
Cleaned the house obsessively because you were anxious?
Cancelled plans because you were overwhelmed but didn’t want to admit it?
Yep. That’s behavior doing the talking.
So when we look at our kids, it helps to remember: they’re just little humans trying to figure out the world and their emotions—with way fewer tools than we have.
So how do we respond?
Instead of asking “What’s wrong with this behavior?” try asking:
“What’s underneath this behavior?”
“Is there a need that’s not being met?”
“Are they trying to tell me something they don’t have words for?”
This shift—from judgment to curiosity—is one of the most powerful things you can do as a parent.
It doesn’t mean letting go of boundaries or expectations. But it does mean leading with empathy and seeing behavior as a window, not a wall.
Behavior is the starting point—not the end.
When we get curious, we learn. And when we learn, we connect.
Behavior can actually strengthen our relationship with our kids—when we treat it like a message worth decoding, instead of a problem that needs to be “fixed.”
So the next time you're in the middle of a meltdown, a shutdown, or anything in between, take a deep breath and ask yourself:
“What are they trying to tell me right now?”
“Is there something underneath this behavior that I can help support?”
That simple shift can change everything. 💛
Need support figuring out what your child’s behavior might be saying?
You don’t have to decode it alone. Whether it’s through therapy, parenting support, or collaboration with your child’s school team, there are professionals who can help you uncover the “why” and build a plan to support the “how.”
Curiosity is powerful. And you’re doing a great job. 💪✨